Emotional or insensitive?

I wonder sometimes,am I better off as an emotional shitcase or a really annoying insensitive happy bitchcase?Well as an emotional shitcase,I notice things more,what that is precious to me,what I really hold in my heart,what I regret when I lose it.Not to mention as a emotional shitcase,I study way more than the annoying insensitive happy bitchcase.But as an emotional shitcase, I cry ALOT.I have an empty hole inside my heart than could only be distracted by watching alot of tv,doing alot of homework,reading alot of books and listening to a very long music playlist.Not to mention I cry every night in secrecy.You know that thingy?You only realize what is important to you only when you lose it?Well,I'm exactly like that.I always start regretting like SHIT when I lose it.

For starters,or more like always,Friendship.I lose that quite alot.Well it didn't help that I was a real bitch during primary days.And secondary,I was still a bitch,but I became a better person during form 2.And whenever things turn around for the better,I became that unsensitive happy bitchcase again.I don't appreciate the people around me that much.I forget about the person beside me when I get excited talking about something else to someone else.I suck at being a friend.SERIOUSLY.This bitchcase side of me is horrible as a person but happier while the shitcase side of me is lonelier but a better person.Shit,I'm kinda complex.And ppl sick,all I can think of is talk about party and not how that person is doing.Not to mention I have a snappy sarcastic side of me,it starts when I'm slightly annoyed or pms.I don't understand how people stand me...I really should go back being an emotional shitcase.I cry alot,but I really will become a better person as that shitcase.

For some idiot reason,these two don't blend in together and form as one.Bitch me.Ditch me.Hate me.Sucks to be me.Damn,I suck as a person.Damn,I hate being angry..All the bad words fly out immediately.And I'm angry at myself for being angry,emotional and a bitch.DAMMIT >:(
Haiz.............