People like me.Or rather me again

Looking through random blogs,I found some active bloggers. I am not actually close to them.But funny enough,we are all socially awkward people.Well,according to ourselves since I don't really know them that well,only through their blogs.We all have flaws,we all get tongue tied in front of strangers,we all hope to get a friend in real life and not through the internet to talk about our interests,to have a friend that is willing to go to a concert with us that actually like the same singer/band.

In other words,we are better at expressing our insecurities on the internet than in the real life talking face to face.Its so much easier to tell someone I like Jay Chou on the internet than jumping on the bandwagon saying "I love Jay Chou too!"

Example:
IN REALITY:
A:Did u listen to Jay Chou's new album?
B:Yeah!It was way better than the last.
Me:(OMG!They like him too!But Idk them,I wish I can join in the conversation)*Looking at them sadly,they probably think I'm stalker-ish*



WHAT I THINK WILL HAPPEN:
A:Did u listen to Jay Chou's new album?
B:Yeah!It was way better than the last album
Me:OMG!U like Jay Chou too?!
A & B looks at me awkwardly : yea....
Me embarassed and stands here awkwardly

WHAT I WISH WOULD HAPPEN:
A:Did you listen to Jay Chou's new album?
B:Yeah!It was way better than the last album
Me:OMG!U like Jay Chou too?!
A&B:Duh!U are a Jay fan too?!
Me:I love him so much,I have a whole playlist just Jay Chou songs
Etc etc etc.

See?It is the same for Running man,Big bang,Ailee,Epik High,Mblaq,Lee Min Ho.I can't do that do a total stranger,and most people I know aren't as hardcore as me.The hardcore ones are the ones I know but are not close with,or are those popular people I do not dare approach.

I have a social inability.When total strangers talk to me,or even someone popular that I know that doesn't know me talks to me,I have a glued up mouth.To be honest,I am speechless that someone bothers to talk to me first.It is something I am not used to.But the glue isn't that sticky these days.Last year,I still had the "don't talk to strangers" policy in my head,even our same age classmates.

It didn't helped that I went to a party yesterday,and I met those outgoing people.The host was a close friend of my dad's,so of course we have to be there.I feel so awkward there.The teenagers there are such extroverts.I never felt more awkward in my life.It doesn't help that they are such achievers and I don't do anything productive other than studying.

Let me see,one of them has a clear goal of wanting to be an actress,she is applying to go to a boarding school in USA and she is younger than me.*Giant 'u suck' bullet hit me*Ouch!
 The other one is going to study medicine,she tried really hard to keep conversation going.Kudos to her,but I suck at socializing.The other one,this one is seriously a real achiever,going to OXFORD.Enough said.Amazing social skills,obviously great at studying,obviously very active at clubs and such.Seriously,enough said.Of course I am jealous.Oh yeah,and someone who can plays the piano listening by ear.Pure talent and she is so young.

I am dying of envy and depression.

I haven't even said a word about my classmates.And I know an achiever when I see one.Its actually pretty obvious.I mean,how can you missed it?They have everything.The looks,the brain and the responsibilty they care to bear,oh,active in clubs,sports and stuff.Pretty much an all rounder achiever.Ah yes,who can forget the music instruments.Everyone has an idea that kids these days must know the piano or the guitar.Yes,I quit.Because I was Lazy.I'm sorry.To you and to me.

I only study and go to tuition.I refuse to go to anything because I am that ingredient in the blending machine that no one notices yet is the odd one out.People wonder what is that taste that make it go wrong but couldn't find it because of how insignificant I am.So instead of waiting to be found,I disappear before they find me,so it taste right.

Not that my parents care,as long as I don't be a bigger burden its fine to them.I wonder what they think  seeing other people's children achieving so much and having such clear goals in their lives.Envy,jealousy,wistful?I feel like a giant disappointment.I am that spoilt brat that depends so much on my parents.I am that spoilt brat that doesn't grow up.I am.Heck,I'm not even clever.I really hope I can do well for SPM.That is the least I can do after being such a lousy person.I don't do anything other than lazing around watching tv and playing computer,doing homework,and going tuition.

Heh,probably my longest post ever.Congrats to me.If I remember correctly,this is my 150th post.It has been a  long soap opera,growing up.The best part is this soap opera is no where near its ending.Not at all.It's only page 13 of 365.Heck,there is no real ending to growing up anyway.You never stop growing up no matter what.There is no age limit to growing up mentally.Everyday we grow,we learn,well,until we die I suppose.Since dying is not an option,the way I live my life is my only option.My only thing I could change...Looks like I have a lot of thinking to do.

My 150th post,

Yi En.